Panel approves Mr. Roboto to become Chief Justice of Supreme Court

With no threat of a partisan fight ahead over the next Supreme Court vacancy, a Senate panel yesterday voted 18-0 to recommend that the full Senate confirm the nomination of Mr. Roboto as chief justice. The panel is pleased that Mr. Roboto can do little besides regurgitate the Constitution and dance in place. "No worries about religious beliefs here, and we're excited to see the smoking action promised on the red, white, and blue box," Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.), the committee chairman, said afterward. She continued, "Mr. Roboto has no religious faith to worry about. He's actually met his "maker"--in China two weeks ago so he has no need for faith--unlike the rest of us weak minded monkey descendants. They will be the only ones to survive the cataclysmic purple-mist effect."

Two key Democrats on the committee who had said they were excited to support Roboto-- Sen. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) and Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-Mass--decided to vote for him, excited that he has "no apparent core-values." In a surprise to conservative activists, Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Pa.) voted for Roboto, as did Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-S.C.). Both answered critics, arguing that cooperation on this vote will help stregthen negotiations to have a human being as the next nominee. Specter begged, "Pretty-please, next time can't we have a human being sitting on the Court that acknowledges a belief in a human creator again?"

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) said, "Mr. Roboto does have the important value of not wanting to shatter the already fragile Supreme Court majority for civil rights, voting rights and women's rights. He will no doubt sit as a imposing boundary of metal and silicon, effectively blocking the justices that are trying to move to stop me from becoming pres--I mean, there is a vast right-wing conspiracy trying to kill all the world's puppies and... He probably won't cheat with an intern."