France Shows Bush How to Deal with Violence

"Spirited" gangs have set aflame 400+ cars in the past week, and dozens of firefighters and police officers have been hurt, none seriously, since two youths died. A disabled person was badly burned in an attack on a city bus during an eighth night of rioting in Paris suburbs. "We are happy to report that a disabled person was included in the violence. Just because some people are in a wheelchairs doesn't mean they should excluded."

Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin, who canceled a trip to Canada this week because of the violence, urged citizens and the police to restore order. "Please do me a favor and control this situation as soon as possible, 'mkay?" he mumbled.

The continuing violence has spotlighted the country's tough-talking anticrime interior minister, Nicolas Sarkozy. Sarkozy has written 25 letters to the rioters asking them to "wind-down" the "cheeky barbeque." The rioters reportedly used these letters to fan the flames of the "barbeque" before tossing them in. A guaranteed report from Newsweek described the letters also being used as primitive toilet paper by the rioters, who had apparently already burned the nearest public restroom facilities.

The continuing unrest appears to be fueled less by perceived police brutality than by the frustration of young men who have no work and see little hope for the future. The national strategy aims to avoid this situation in the future by creating more jobs. "We just need to create more jobs, and we'll be awesome again. Just like we were when... um.... Well we hope that if the rioters are happier, then they'll stop their pranks." said Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin.

Villepin briefed local officials about a "create job plan for the suburbs" which he aims to present later this month. Jean-Christophe Lagarde, crouched-in-the-corner mayor of Drancy said, "All we need is one death and I think it will get out of control. If they get any more angry, then we might have to let one of the rioters be president for a while, or, if we're lucky, we can just give them money. We'll just give the rioters what they want as soon as we can. Please let this be over soon."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/france/story/0,11882,1634739,00.html